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The_pain_of_love_lost
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Name: Rae
Country: United States
State: South Carolina
Birthday: 7/14/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Music-70's classic rock...and ahh yes Elton John...(hard rock, classic rock, punk rock, emo, jazz & blues, 80's rock, just about anything but country and rap...and the list of bands goes on for forever), guitar,painting, writing, showers, and showers in the rain, sleeping during the day, staying up till 5 in the morning, drinking coffee, DOWNTOWN Greenville(my favorite place to be), going to Cofee Underground making movies, taking pictures and watching movies in my room in my comfy bed.
Expertise: Sticking my foot in my mouth, procrastinating, and worrying to no end about little things that I wish I had not done but can't change.~~~
Feeling insicure...and fearing closeness to anyone...I pray for the one that breaks me, holds onto my trust and heart...I care for him...I fear, for his strength and patience might not last...
Occupation: Artist
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  fayoffortitude
Member Since:
1/8/2004
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| Hey everyone. NEW XANGA: http://www.xanga.com/vintagecoffeebeans .
This one has seen better days. I better see you all there  .
~Rae | | |
| - The whole thing is really good...got this from a guy's xanga...he knows who he is. - Woo Hoo! Fun night. It's been a fun weekend. Tonight Liz and I went to Cafe Del Giorno and got one of the best fraps I've had in a long time. Almost as good as the one I get from Beano Brothers (which I just found out moved to somewhere off of 385 or something). Anyway this frap was really good...but REALLY rich. Melissa we are definately checking it out for your frap needs next time. After talking and laughing we wanted to do something else so...we ended up going to this playground behind Liz's church. We threw rocks and hid from the cars. I haven't slid down a slide or been in a playground for years and years. It was fun. I remember being little and hurrying out to the swings so I didn't have to wait on one during recess. I remember being chased and being all giggly with certain boys, going up into the shrubs where we were never supposed to be and playing house (not with the boys mind you), and having a horrible fear of the monkey bars. I also remember the "I'm not inviting you to my birthday party now" and the "you're not my friend anymore" arguments that accured on the playground. Wow. I had alot of fun. I really am going to try to drive alot this week. I feel bad with my friends always having to drive me. And it would be nice to be able to just stop by and talk to my friends when I wanted to. We'll have to see how that goes. Insurance, gas, cars...it's all a hassle. Tomorow I'm going to get some kind of natural tonic that is supposed to help certain areas of your body...it's hard to explain. All I know is it works. You just fill out problems you are having and the women fixes this natural herb thing and it really helps you with those problems. Say, you have a hard time being around people, or your nerves are bad, or you can't sleep because of stress...it can help you with that. It's very cool. Sounds kind of sketchy I know...but it works. I want to get some shirts if I can...and get a job. Pray for me with getting a job please. I am about to go insane. I know everyone deals with this. But I can't take making my parents support me like this. But I'm where the Lord has me. I just pray if it's His will...I can find work.
Another thing. I have been told lately by a few people, that my writing on here is very depressing and it depresses them. My friend told me she has to prepare herself before she reads it sometimes LOL. I am sry for that. There is no need for me to be depressed. No reason for the christian to be like that. I am determined to write more optimistic and stuff. But ya never know with me. Also...I have this idea for a new xanga...name and all. I mean..."the pain of love lost"...that was soooo last year :-p. No really...it brings bad memories...and I think I need a change. Thou shalt not laugh at my new creation ;).
~Rae | | |
| Church was amazing this morning. It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord provides and answers prayer. And so many time He does so and I don't even notice. This morning I woke up rested and ready to get up. That is the first time in months I have felt that way. I didn't feel my hesitant nature today. I just got ready and went to church happily. Usually I fight for the want to go to church. Not because I don't want to worship, but because I am usually so tired or so uncomfortable and going to church means I will have to fight sleep and be around people. But today, I just was happy to be there! Happy to see my brothers and sisters in Christ. Yes I still worried about my looks and actions. But the Lord just made me focus on Him...and it took so much of my usual turmoil away. The Lord doesn't want me to suffer...or make me suffer so that I will learn a lesson. He just wants me to Love Him and be happy! It is me who puts myself through fear, hurt, and insicuruty.
The music touched my heart. I was just in tears, closing my eyes and worshiping. I don't usualy do that. In fact I think i've done it about 4 times in my whole life. I always get worried about what people will think when they look over at me and see my with my eyes closed crying, or with my hands lifted up. But I got over that alot last night. I'm glad I went to Shannon. It helped me work through some things. Anyway...this morning was just great. Tears of joy, and seeing and being able to actually go up and talk to my friends. It was truly amazing. Thank you Lord. ~Rae | | |
| - The Sun This is what I think of Dan Browns The Da Vinci Code:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...and what the crap?
I'm as confused as ever, bored to pieces, and sick and tired of it going back and forth to one man's life than 50 other peoples lives (I was never a fan of the soap opera set up). It is ruining art, history, and mystery for me...along with reading thank you very much. Oh how decieved was I when I first started. Oh what a great book this seems to be said I. Maybe I need to just keep reading...this boring piece of literature. Am I weird? I hear this is such a great mystery book...so full of twists and turns. The only twist I have witnessed was the one in my neck after falling asleep. Oh how I hate that I want to read more but I want to throw it at my wall at the same time. Next thing you know I'll be writing on here...wow I just read the best book ever. Ha. Yeah...and also...I have been told not to read it lately for it is not good for the Christian to read. Hmmm...decisions. I'm really probably not far enough to say a word. ~Rae | | |
| I'm sry.
I'm sry I don't have money to do things.
I'm sry that I let my friends down constantly because I'm sick, or scared, or just want to be at home.
I'm sry for the way I am and I thank my friends who put up with me.
I am me...yes I need to change...I will always need to change.
I love you friends...and I am sry for the horrible friend that I am.
This is not a pitty cry...or an attempt for people to reausure me of my friendship status.
I just want to apologize and get it out.
~Rae | | |
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